♥s-taccato.blogspot.com

Goodbye(:

2008-08-10T00:13:00.003+08:00

MOVED!

Maybe just someday, some day I'll move back.

Goodbye(:

2008-07-28T20:03:00.003+08:00

To you:

All along I didn't know you've got so much to against me, till today L told me then I've realised. Realised that you've deleted me, not surprising, and not because I am way too slow to know this. I've got nothing to against you. I don't even bother about your exist honestly, so you have to know that I wasn't paying any attention to see if you're online anot.

But you, being a bitch with a capital B. Said you're gonna remove me from your friend list. Nope, I guess you've already done so long ago. I'm not gonna spending time to read some rubbish to dig out all those details and start some kind of cat fight with you, but at least, I needa send back my regards to you. Thou I don't know what has happened totally, you're just a paranoid bitch, jealousy has led you this way. You really don't have to worry that I am totally NOT interested in what you're having now, because I've got something's way so much better than yours.

So, stop being paranoid and stop being this slutty. Sucking balls is what you should do. You make me awfully sick about you. And if you wanna remove me then don't be a mother fucking loser to just do it halfway.

P.S/ you know, my friends said they felt duper disgusted to see you today and so did I. (:

-
And You:

It has been long and we shall get it done.

Cause no one deserves this more than you do
I hate people came to me and talking to me something which is totally untrue, they would give me this sympathy which make me totally like a loser. I don't know if you were the one who spreading all those, cause other than you I couldn't think of anyone else. So stop making others to make false judgements. Stop throwing hurt to me anyone. It's really more than enough. Spinning tales and telling lies so blatantly would just make God send you to hell, and you have to know this fact.

And pointing your finger to only yourself not any of my friends. Because simply, you've got no rights to criticize my friend. And before you even open your mouth, think yourself, if you're better than the one you're criticizing. Because, you're way much worse to the deep shit.

-
I do thank God for having wonderfull BFFs in this fucked up IT school. The speed of rumors spreading is really jermazing. It has reached my limit, I hate people spreading rumors about me and my fav Manda, especially those came from the IITSC. It's plainly annoying and hurtful. If you really wanna bitch about us, please be more professional to bitch only the truth or just simply, shut the fuck up! And if you don't really know us then stop passing on the untrue messages. Especially for Manda. I hate to see her to be so sad over this kind of matter again and again. If you really so interested, then stop gossiping and come to us for the truth and stop being a fucking monkey. I so wanna curse you gossipy monkeys to have millions of ulcers in your Big mouth.

2008-06-15T04:12:00.001+08:00

Goodbye Singapore

With Love,

Letting go

2008-06-12T11:55:00.006+08:00

LETTING GO

Model: 165-white with snake CC

Bought it last year. It's absolutely authentic. Brand new prefect condition. Made from real lambskin leather, with snakeskin inter-locking CC logo exterior. Also includes a serial number and Chanel logo inside as well as, Chanel dog tag, Chanel dust bag, authenticity card, care booklet, and Chanel tag.

So name me your own price at s-taccato@hotmail.com! (:

2008-06-08T19:14:00.007+08:00

So lately, been wondering, who will be there to take my place

"The writers weren't kidding, about how all good things must end"

Was really busy with exams for the past few days. And finally holidays are here. Nothing much to say about today. And I'm sorry that I've made my friends worried for me recently. But now I've decided to box up my yesterdays and this time is for real. I think like nearly 237648976 times people told me to get a life, and so now I've decided to lock everything deep inside and get on with life. I love people like Shayne, Amanda, Kiang, XianLi, Sanjeev, Lionel, Dennis and Freddie for accompany me all this while. Totally, appreciate for every little thing that you people have done for me. Much love! (:

Like in a few months time, I'm going 19. And a year later I will reach 20. Like ohmymama. I'm getting really old. But on the happier note, it's time for me to say hello to Gucci, Chanel and LV. And finally, I'm getting my very first big ass next month and for polaroid, I'd say very soon.

Overdued pictures.

Shayne got me M&Ms and Ben&Jerry. :D

After 2nd paper I think, I looked like a secondary school kid during exam period

29 May, and we watch Sex and the City. Totally. I wanna move to New York, to fall in love! (:

31st May, Jeev's 21st Birthday Party! I swear the chalet was like damn big, and there was a dancefloor, cool enough! Wonderful night! Ha. (:

-
I think it was friday, I said to Lionel 'Let's go Sentosa.' And He said this 'Okay lor. Let's go lor.' Like so surprised can. I thought you guys won't like to go there. So holidays. I love it. HA. :D

2008-06-05T00:43:00.006+08:00

It's been quite of a while since I could experience your brightness

Today, how would it be. Still, I'd wish if we were still holding on. But only to the wish. Time files and a month time but everything ain't the same anymore. I guess this is how it had to be. Life's just playing such silly games in me. Yea, this is how it had to be.

-
I miss you.
For once, or maybe not.
Been missing you since the day you went away, or was it I.
I won't deny.

i loved you more than you will ever know

2008-05-31T01:45:00.004+08:00

You promised yourself, but to somebody else
And you made it so perfectly clear
Still I wish you were here now

I loved you more than you will ever know

Exams are a weekend away, I haven't even start to study, guess I'm giving up. I've tried but still, I just can't give a shit to the projects and exams. Think I'm just wrapping up in my own world slowly. Surprisingly I stayed calm this time, I don't know if it's for good, but a kind of fear's surrounding me. This time, I've learned the hardest way to grow up and also to know that I could only trust myself not anyone else. I'm scared of promises cause they are made to be broken. I think it's good that partying at nights to keep myself occupied and to avoid crying the eyes out in the shower. So it starts tomorrow night.

I had Carrie Bradshaw's story, but extremely different endings. Because hers is a drama but mine is more drama than a drama.

-
The other day I saw you walking away
You looked as pretty as a peach
You seemed so near but somehow
You're out of my reach

They told me not to worry
That things will all come to those who wait
But as I wait, I feel
That it's much too late

When I said go I never meant away

2008-05-27T02:44:00.003+08:00

Why when you see me
You pretend I'm not there
When I see your eyes
Somehow you don't seem to care

-
Still the boy with the hot jeans is in love.
Not with ~~me,~~ this time.
But with the girl who's eating a donut on the swing.

I know its not right, but it seems unfair That the things are reminding me of you

2008-05-24T19:23:00.005+08:00

I know its not right, but it seems unfair
That the things are reminding me of you

These memories are playing
Like a film without sound
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
-

Friday, woke up late but I still dragged myself to Law class in the morning. Still, I don't understand a shit of it. Was sitting with Zachary, he was sweet because he drew a sunflower for me and ask me to cheer up. It's really a 'Sun'-Flower. Ha. I've taken a picture of it, but my phone's abit down so couldn't upload it. Anyways, thanks Zac. (:

Then got home and bathed. Felt like everything was torturing me mentally and physically, so I went to bed and slept till late evening. Felt good cause for long I could finally sleep so tight. Photos were for last night, taken by JR's brand new camera. I think he's in love with photography now. Well, most of the pictures couldn't see my full face, it was his camera's problem alrights. So let's go polaroid love.

Click the photos for larger view (:

I love this one, just happened that Xian Li became my model unknowingly, and because of this take somehow I think I can be a good photographer. So somebody buy me a big ass cam please! (:

I wish I could be like Sebes to have this kind of smile everyday, can't you feel that he's really happy, kind of smile is from the bottom of the heart.

For this picture, the main focus isn't the one who has taken this. But the one besides him. Get it? Ha. But I think it's nice, I mean, for the colours.

Didn't get to see Amanda yesterday, talked on the phone for a few times. I know she wasn't happy and so did I. Somehow for the same reason, we're getting so sick of it. Sick of the tears, don't wanna think about it don't wanna talk about it. Though I try to hide it, but it's clear. I'd still think of this familiar face everywhere I'd go. With the memories and doubts.

Kinda weird of feeling to be drunk in peacefulness, simply because you let it show of everything. Said I don't wanna see the face but deep inside I'm still thinking of it everyday. I'd miss the sound of voice and every little thing that's related. Had an urge to make a phone call to say that I miss you, but reality just smacks right in front of me. I'm the only one who still stuck here while the truth is it has moved on. Just that the unwillingness to let go in me.

Talking to friends and fooled myself that I am fine, but they would just tell me 'you don't pretend well, your eyes show that you still care and you still love...' This ain't right, I wish I could just pretend well, even if for only one weekend. It has no way to unravel the latest mistake. Having a lot of 'If...' and 'I wish...' thinkings. But I know it's impossible for me to turn back time, even I know if there's a way I'd to. I guess it showed clear, the door has already closed to me. All I can do is just to let the tears rolling down the cheeks. Just like everytime when I got to see the face. I'm avoiding, it is not that I don't wish to see, I know it's worse cause the tears straight away well up in my eyes and uncontrollable they just roll down with this heart ache and pang.

Why would we trying so hard but to make it off this way?

Sometimes, I couldn't recognise myself now, and this kind of life that I'm having, my days aren't what I wanted. I'm not used to it but I'm pretending that I am enoying it. What am I now, I've got no idea. I'm trying the hardest way to have fun, it seems that I am happy, but deep inside it just works the another way. I'm sick of crying but it's beyond my control. I'd wish to believe that at least I used to be the one and that I wasn't just for a game. Still, I'm finding it hard to get on life without certain things. I'd think no matter what it takes, if I could, I will still.

Well, today woke up in the afternoon and I had this dream and it was beautiful, but when you wake up, it was just a dream. I don't feel good and though I could still reach town on time for the Free Hugs but I chose not to go. It's really hard for me to put up a fake smile on my face today. Projects due on monday but I've got no idea where to start.

This end is really, just the beginning.

-
Cause the truth of the matter is
Replacing you isn't easy at all

2008-05-23T20:28:00.000+08:00

How can you just walk away from me
When all I can do is watch you leave
'Cause we've shared the laughter and the pain
And even shared the tears
Take a look at me now
There's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me
Just the memory of your face

2008-05-22T20:23:00.008+08:00

SOMETIMES IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE
THAT YOU'RE NEVER COMING BACK FOR ME

Life plays such silly games inside of me
And I've felt some distant cries, following
And their entwined between the night and sun beams
I wish I were free from this pain in me
-

I'd say yesterday was great. Eventful, peaceful and joyful. Most importantly, it was love to me. Was really busy though cause it was Jeev's 21st birthday. Skipped lectures, the stupid feedback session and all that. But I'm glad that everything went on smoothly. We took 100 over pictures, but I could only upload a few alrights. And so, this is so gonna be a longgg entry. (:

Do Click the pictures for larger view (:

The birthday boy! (:
Harold and Kumar the big boobies
This is when Mages and gang came.
Click for larger view alrights.
This picture is nice, don't you think so? Ha. The small boys. (:

Well, Kiang, Den and I didn't go for the feedback session cause we went to Eng school to look for Wu Ye and KC for a short while, and we happened to meet Venga and this guy which I've got no idea what's his name. Anyways, after they left, Kiang, Den and I stayed at the place, because it was way too comfortable and so we had some heart to heart talks. And then, I saw Matt, he was just so surprised to see me there. And he was like, 'WHAT ARE YOU DOING HEREEEE??' Ha.

Met lovergirl Amanda for a short while while waiting for Lionel and Ah Ma's lesson end and also Wu Ye and KC to finish their SIP. We were like a little bit mad cause we're so in loved with the balloons and yeh, Linn was there too. After Lionel they all came lovergirl went back to do her project and we headed to meet Jeev. I have to say I love my lovergirl Amanda to bits. :D

We were almost forgot about JR so when we reached I called him, and he was just bloody funny on the phone I swear. Like I was talking to some old age people. What a doggie. Lol. And we had dinner and ice cream after that.

I have no idea this picture taken by who, anyways, Kiang's friend I suppose, just happened to see her at E hub.

After bowling session, everyone was like in super good mood, especially JR I think. Anyways, I didn't play as usual. And yah, but everyone was way so excited till start camwhoring while they didn't drink much though.

I don't know why but this picture is my favourite. Ha. It's cute, I know you do think the same too. Haha.

Okay, I wanna explain for this. This picture is so not because we love to do the signs okay. We found it's a joke for people to do so. Anyways, Lionel suggested to do this, because he always see those bengs and lians doing that and put the pictures on Fster. And so we want to know how does it feel to be this typical. Get it? This is our very first try and it's like oh so gayyy. HAHAHAHAHA.

The pictures below were taken by JR, cause out of a sudden, he got so hyper and so in loved with my camera and our faces. And so because he took too many pictures till the battery exhausted. I mean, indeed, he is so weird. HA.

We headed to the next place for camwhoring, and this is our beloved Xiao Huang, ha. And with this duper cute disney princess umbrella, ella ella a a.

I swear Lionel is super duper cute for camwhoring, I mean it was like everyone wanted to camwhore with him. And I just couldn't stop laughing to see his poses. Like, say say say, oh it was so gay gay gay. HAHA. And yah, they weren't drunk okay, but I've got no idea why they were just so high. (:

This is oh so Coco Chanel

I love this ella ella a a so much, and how I wish I'd be one of the princesses. But I do know deep down that my life ain't a fairytale and so I'll never be a princess like this.

Lionel & Xiao Huang
I don't know if you can do this, but I can't. Ha.

Then, the real camwhoring started, and I'd say Wu Ye can be a good photographer. Ha. Well, most of the photos are with him. But mostly, below were taken by me can. (: As what I've said, I can't upload all, cause they're way too many many.

KC & Lion (:
Wu Ye & Lion (:
Den & Lion (:
This is when Wu Ye got so high high high. HA.
Doggie & Lion. Gagas. (:
This is like what the fish. So gay lah please
This is bloody funny, the S.H.E. I think you'd know why Den is the S right. HAHAHA.
Jeev's at the back. Ha.
This is after Jeev left, we were trying so hard to be this cute. :D
Finally it's my turn to camwhore with Lion!
Sexy yo!:D

Ohhh holymama, this is very important! I'd say it was really wonderful night, cos you know Manchester United won Champions League. Like woahhh! How great! :D Jeev was wearing the Man U tee today. HAHAHA :D.

Okay. talked to lovergirl Amanda when I got home last night. I was feeling really bad that I've made her sad. And yea, after reading her entry tears well up in the eyes. This is really the worst, cause to me, they just mean hell loads to me. They're the reason how I've made it till today. They're the reason for me to sit and pretend. I'm feeling like shit seriously, I don't know but I'm just too tired. Deep inside I want to leave but whenever I think of them I just don't know what is right. Sometimes I'd wonder, why would my life so hard. I just want to be normal, like everyone else.

I love you, Amanda! Truly. & I know today ain't a good day, you know I will always be here for you just like you're always being there for me.

And Yeeling, Marco and James. I felt so loved to recieve messages from you people yesterday, which was totally unexpected. So for the awesome people who love me, I promise you all I'd think twice before I make the finial decision alrights. (:

Today wasn't good, cause emotionally I'm trying so hard to be fine but I just can't help for the memories playing at the background. This time, certain things are really impossible to remove from the heart. And this two weeks my attendance is really bad enough, I'm totally not in a mood to school. So I can't bother much. And I haven't even start to do any projects. Everything's just like fucked up.

Alrights. Terrible. Bye.

-
Without you, today's emotions would be the scurf of yesterday's

2008-05-21T01:10:00.002+08:00

THIS IS HOW YOU'RE MOVING ON BUT WITHOUT ME

Like you just come back running.
Holding your scarred heart in hand.
It started out with a kiss how did it end up like this?
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss.
This is how it had to be.
It's enough to say I'm sorry.
-

This is how I get by

After known certain truth, today was seriously a heartbreak. To use this word to describe how I felt and it is 'sad'. Be way honest, I am really sad. I can just cry you a river any time. But this is so gonna be the very last time I cry in TP, and because of the boys, they gave me the power to sit and pretend.

Reality is indeed cruel, I've got no choice but to face it, I think sooner or later I will get to use of my korean drama type of life. It doesn't feel nice to know for what I've believed in turned out to be all lies. Seriously, I'm not a good fighter, cause I can be destroyed easily. And so don't come and take me cause I ain't for playing. And it is the fact that my heart will never heal right, cause there's always people who's pulling out the sutures.

This year's the most tough year for me, this just the beginning but yah, I never hope the rest of the year would turn out good. For everything that supposed to be happiness to me, they never have happy endings and yah, everything's gone. How nice, I really don't understand why people always like to bring me hurt and pain, it doesn't feel nice okay. Totally. Anyways, I started to hate school, everyday I have to drag myself to that place and yeh, the people are getting colder here. Be very honest, I hate to be in IT school and I really don't like to face the people there anymore. So this is the first time that I'm telling everyone this, if everything goes on smoothly, this will be the last month that I would appear in TP. Yes, and only if everything goes on smoothly, I'm finally leaving this island in about 2 months time.

Ever since I've been posted to TP, it has given me lots of unhappiness and yeah. Except for the boys and a few girlfriends, I've gain nothing else. They're the reason for me to stay, but I really can no longer take it to be in that school and face the people there. And so, I've decided to leave. And I really pray hard that I CAN leave this time. So yah, I know you guys will read this, cause it's hard for me to find a way to tell you all. Especially when Lionel told this 'you come to school for study not for anything else.' It's true, and I know you guys always want the best for me, but yah, despite that I'm taking pills to sleep everyday, if I continue like this I'm just so pretty damn close to depression. So I need a break and I have to leave though I know it doesn't help to not think of certain things, but yah. I just want to be far away cause this is the most I can take and I'd rather to keep those beautiful memories than to let the reality to destroy them all.

Alrights, on the brighter side today, it was hard but I was still putting up a smile all the way, cause I love my boy friends. Cause they're the ones who would really be there for me and who will never break the trust and who will never walk out of my life no matter what. I'm glad that they're my very best in TP. (:

They're the most handsome guys in this fucking IT school, don't you think so? You just don't know how much I heart them. :D
This is when Harold meets Kumar
We learn to play balls during CMSK!
This is Kiang when we were having lunch, but hours later....

.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Yeah, he has became like this and has been sent to CGH ):

This was way serious okay. Though he still could smile before sending to the hospital
And like randomly, we met our friend there, oh he wasn't going to buy food or what, this was JR after he fell from his bike. And Ah Ma and I had a good laugh over this picture. Oooops. HA.
This is woah, good memory. (:
After JR left, Ah Ma and I stayed and Yah, Ah Ma can be a good doctor. Ha.

Well, I met Dom after school, and we had some heart to heart talks. I felt much better after talking to him. And then Keith and friends joined us after that, I mean Keith was really dumb enough cause he couldn't even find the IT school bus stop. Well, yah. I'm looking forward to our meetup.

Dom (:
This is pretty random, WY and KC. Ha. Look at their faces. Like okay. HA. (:

Going to do something's really important and yah, tomorrow we're so gonna have lots of fun! And I'm so looking forward to our clubbing day on friday. Cause this might be the first and also the last clubbing outing for us before I leave. I'm so gonna treasure the time that I'll spend with the boys and my lovergirl Amanda. Oh and I think Den's right, when there's no expectation, there'd be no disappointment. Hopefully Den will be in school tomorrow. Ha. Alrights, nights sexy.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT!
I LOVE SANJEEV KUMAR A MILLON! HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY MY ONE AND ONLY BLACKIE BFF! :D

2008-05-18T18:48:00.004+08:00

Dear Lord,

Just when I'm trying very best to hold myself together and trying so hard to be a little positive, it'd just blow at me once again. Look, I'm already at the very bottom of my life now. You can see all the cracks and scars, you just can't imagine what I am now, cause it's way much worse than what you can think of. So please stop tearing me into pieces. With all the pain that I am feeling inside, this is really the worst. I do know deep down that I'll never heal right. But I've already tried to make myself invisible, so stop aiming me. I really can take no more and it's like I might crack out just anytime. Why can't you see that I've got all the symptoms of a girl with a broken heart. It's okay that you love anyone else but me, every year, though I'm used to this bloody but please this time, you know I ain't strong so stop making me feeling worse than helpless. You love me cry but I've got no more tears to cry on. I've really got nothing at this very moment of life, you should know this better than me, look at the family and kind of life that I've been through, you took back all the happiness that once you've given me, nothing else left for you to steal. This is, really more than enough.

The whole world's such a piss off today.

)':

2008-05-18T01:33:00.003+08:00

heyy ass, pls remember sign out next time. i don't know when u will see this. u're online somemore. oh marco laughing the shit out. erm. U're getting really dumb u know. come on, u need to cheer up can. u're the ass with a beautiful soul. we love u (not tat much) and everybody loves u k, you ASS-g! :)

freddie.

2008-05-15T21:21:00.003+08:00

I'm glued this time, just in case I might crack out. Trying very best to pretend and hold myself together, but the heart would still get this pang and ache. I hate to face the reality when it's way too clear to me to know that it's over. Said that time will heal, I don't really believe it, cause it seems more than 48 hours a day and how I wish time would pass faster and how I wish the pill would make me sleep a little longer. Honestly, it's hard to erase certain things from the heart and mind. It's like everything you do you'd think of this face. And when it appears in front of you, straight away, the tears well up in the eyes, you tried the best to hold and after you walked away they just roll down the cheeks. I didn't know I would fall so deely this time but so not beautifully. Maybe I still stuck at when both agreed as lovers. But when flames to dust, this is how it have to be, better off as friends. We are what we don't see but all good things have to come to an end, though it's a shame that it had to be this way. Silent screaming inside, I'd wish it's still holding on. But I understand that something will never be replaced, so I'm not going to turn around anything, cause I know deep down that I don't have the power to hold something that doesn't belong to me. Rivers of emotions, I'm holding the head up high and putting up a fake smile, I'd tell myself to be strong to pick up the pieces. But behind the scene I don't deny that I'm still holding on, but it's not to a hope. Cause I could see clear it's hopeless. Just quietly, I'm holding on to my heart to this one way love. Cause you know I no good. And with all the things left unsaid, I'm glad knowing, you're doing good.

2008-05-13T05:18:00.000+08:00

breathless.

Cause you that I no good.

2008-05-12T21:45:00.005+08:00

I deleted today's entry, because it was way too honest.

-
[edited 23:51]

I put this line as MSN nick today - ' if you're not mine then why does your heart return my call '. And then Shawn came to talk to me and he said ' Because the heart has changed number and so will never get it through like used to.'

Eh, I don't know. But somehow it made me speechless.

Dear you

2008-05-11T03:47:00.005+08:00

Dear love,
Everyday I wonder why you saw me, when thousands of other girls saw you?

I had my time at home the entire day. Have been constantly thinking of this boy, which I call him my love. Memories flashed back ever since the day I first met him. I'm really glad that I opened my heart and let him in. Was looking through the cards and other stuff that he gave me, they would really brought a BIG smile on my face, truly from the bottom of my heart. And I've got a champagne rose yesterday, it spells love.

I didn't get to see him today, and now he's asleep. I think I'm missing him kinda badly this time, cause my heart's having an urge to see him right now. It wasn't really long since the day he stayed in my heart but on the other side of view, it seems a really long period of time.

I'd still think of the day when he first hugged me. The day whe he gave me the first love letter of my life. And the night that we spent together waiting for the sunrise. It seems like, everything, he'd remember everything that I've said, he'd remember them by heart. And make everything come true just for me. He picked me up during my weakest moment, and stayed with me till my life's back to normal.

He'd be the first one who make me feel that I am treasured. I still can remember the kind of happiness he has given me when I received his first email by surprise. Everytime, he'd make me wanna fly. All along, he never neglect me, till today, he's still trying his best to reach out for me whenever he can. But it seems, as time passed by, I've started to be selfish and neglected that he does have feelings too. All the times I took for granted, I'd only think of myself and I'm letting the very bad side of me showing more and more obviously without realising. I've forgotten he ain't the real superman though he's trying his best to be the one for me, but he's just a normal human being. And till I tasted the tears and I saw the cracks in him and it seemed that I can't get near to him, I've realized that the amount of hurt and stressness that I've given him are so much more than what I could imagine.

You wouldn't understand, but if it's you, I think you'd give up long ago. But he didn't, he chose to hold on with the love and faith. And now, I start to hate myself when he's trying so hard to keep our love alive, but I'd think of giving up. Come to think of those words that came out from my mouth, they would be so much hurtful. I really hate myself for always giving up so easily. And though those words could hurt him so bad but still, he didn't say a word to give up. And me, I just don't know the meaning of appreciation and the meaning of love.

Tears are dropping out from my eyes now, I can't help it. This time, they're for good. The tears of happiness, cause I'm thankful that he's holding on to this love and I'm thankful that he didn't allow me to give up on this precious love. I'd cry so badly thinking he's leaving. And I'd laugh at myself if I let it go. Simply, I would be on such a lost if I really let him go. Cause you wouldn't know, he's the kind of boy that you have been searching for all along, he's the kind of boy that seems only would exist in fairytales, he's the kind of boy that would give you his very best if you ask for, he's the kind of boy that your mama wish your boyfriend to be.

Patient, sacrifice, acceptance, kind, an act of endless forgiveness, and the stretches of heart and makes it big inside. That's what he has given me and this is what I call it love. It's time for me to learn not to only receive but to give in at the same time. I'm really grateful for the time he would always forgive me when I was really horrible.

My love, though it hasn't been a really long period, but we have been through so much together, with tears and laughter. With two willing hearts we've made it possible, we make it till today. Life is full of ups and down. Maybe this phase ain't that smooth for us, but slowly, we will get it through, and with faith, we will make everything's right, we will make it far. Believe me this time, I will mend the cracks in you, I will make you perfect again. And look at us now, we can be happy together. You've shown me what is to love and the greatest faith, and so I wouldn't be that silly to think of letting go of you. I'm so gonna hold on to you tightly, and never think of those stuff that I shouldn't think of. You and me, you're gonna really trust me this time, I will give you that unconditional love that you used to feel. And so, let's erase all the unhappiness and mistakes from our hearts and minds and start afresh. We're getting better and better each day. It makes me feel so good to be in love with you, cause I know I love you and you know I love you and everyone else knows that I love you so much! (:

Oh. I'm so gonna have swollen eyes tomorrow. But it's okay, I love the tears tonight, taste sweet. Ha. It's getting really late, and so I'm going to bed and I'm so gonna text you before I fall asleep. And I pray you wouldn't feel sick anymore when you wake up. And so I wanna end this entry with this picture. It's not really pretty random, but I love it, cause, to the left to the left, it's love! (: Y

-
Everything's alright when you're right here by my side! (:

2008-05-09T05:05:00.001+08:00

It's 5 in the morning and I just can't stop thinking of you, love! You don't know but thinking of you would make me smile, you're way much better than ironman. :D

2008-05-08T02:58:00.001+08:00

Dear you, I hope you will get this. I know you're there by my side in every way, I know that you will not forsake me. So I give you my life, would not think twice this time. Here we are on earth together. It's you and I. God has made us fall in love. And it's true, I've really found someone like you. The love you feel for me. And that you will be by my side to see me through until my life is through. Well, in my mind, we can conquer the world. In love, you and I. I am glad, at least in my life I found someone that may not be here forever to see me through, but I found strength in you. So this time, we're gonna make everything's right again, you and I. And I, will not let the history repeat again, we will never make the same mistake. And I may not say this quite as much as I should, but when I say I love you, that means for good. So open up your heart and let me in. This time, we will get there. (:

love, with a capital L
g

-
So take my hand and hold on tight
And we'll get there
This I swear

2008-05-07T01:52:00.003+08:00

And everything I have in this world
All that I'll ever be
It could all fall down around me
Just as long as I have you right here by me

I've made up my mind, don't need to think it over. If I'm wrong I am right, don't need to look no further. This ain't lust, I know this is love. But. If I tell the world, I'll never say enough, cause it was not said to you. And that's exactly what I need to do, if I'm in love with you.

And I'd build myself up, and fly around in circles. Wait then as my heart drops, and my back begins to tingle. Finally could this be it.

Should I give up, or should I just keep chasing pavements? Even if it leads nowhere. Or would it be a waste? Even If I knew my place should I leave it there? So should I give up, or should I just keep chasing pavements? Even if it leads nowhere.

-
I took for granted, all the times
That I though would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now

2008-05-06T01:39:00.001+08:00

With all the shits and bloody that would really pissed me off big time. I just don't know what's going on with my life and with who sometimes. God knows that I've got enough of this dramatic life but he still refused to give me a fairytale. How nice. I'm getting tired of this role, someone else's turn please. I want to escape from this land to somewhere, which is far away, which no one knows. But there's always something to hold me back. And now, I need a place, to rest my head. And I don't know if I made it clear to you, but this time, I don't wanna carry on on my own. Cause you wouldn't know but you make me feel like home and I, I'd like to stay, but only if you need me the way I do. And to me, you're a lovely soul, I pray you won't let go, of anything you hold.

g

hellos dearest, dorami is doraemon's sister (:

2008-05-04T13:37:00.001+08:00

Hellos dearest, Dorami is Doraemon's sister not the ~~girlfriend~~ (:

Doraemon, A cat-based robot from the future, Doraemon has a four dimensional pocket filled with useful gadgets. Doraemon loves dorayaki and rice cakes, and he hates rats so much that he would use a nuclear bomb against them. He loves to bathe in the sun with Mimichan. And Mimichan is his dearest girlfriend. His best friend is Nobita, and Dorami is the younger sister of Doraemon, who is apparently a somewhat better version of robotic cats. She is far more efficient than Doraemon but she appears only occasionally, usually when Doraemon is in his periodic "off" state.

Everything about Doeaemon is somehow related to 129.3

I couldn't find any pictures of Mimichan, but my cutest, you know Dorami is Doraemon's sister lah. Ha. (:

MAYBE I WAS WRONG

2008-05-03T03:35:00.000+08:00

& MAYBE I WAS WRONG

& i will never know if you love me the way i do
till you tell me so
-

If the heart is always searching, can you ever find a home? I've been looking for that someone, I never make it on my own. Dreams can't take the place of loving you, there's gotta be a million reasons why it's true.

I'm gonna tell you that I love you in the best way that I can. You're the light that make my darkness disappear. I start to realize I can reach my tomorrow, I can hold my head up high and it's all because you're by my side.

When I hold you in my arms I know that it's forever. I just got to let you know, I never wanna let you go. Cause when you look me in the eyes I catch a glimpse of heaven, I find my paradise when you look me in the eyes. And when you look me in the eyes and tell me that you love me. Everything's alright when you're right here by my side.

I said something which I shouldn't, but it's okay, I don't wanna think about it anymore. And Dom, here you go. Thank you for that entry, I feel really happy to see my name's everywhere. My late night friend, next time I will be the one who listens to you and make you sing okay. Really appreciate for calling me and to make me laugh and yah, that sweet entry. And PY, I know who your favourite boy likes. HA. Well, I guess this is what friends are for, they could always notice your emotions and I just love the way they show they care. (:

Watched Enchanted again just now, and this time I know my life will never be a disney fairytale like that. If JR thinks his life can be written into a book, then my life will be a very korean drama. Maybe it's even better than Autumn Tale, ha, who knows.

I miss you, mum! You know? Well, I don't think you know that. And yeh, I guess I will drag myself to services tomorrow. So nights sweethearts.(:

-
& if it's quite alright
i hope you feel the same way like i do
because you do, i do
&everything's gonna be alright when you're right here by my side

2008-05-02T11:16:00.000+08:00

How does it feel being in these arms?
What's it really like to be loved?
I've been alone now, how long?
Have you ever loved the way that I have?
And I have often wondered who,
Who could love you the way I do?
Now I just want you to know, how I'm touched deep in my soul just being with you.
And I need you more each day.
I've got all this poetry now I didn't know then.
I kept inside.
Guess I had never seen anything beautiful
Till I first saw you asleep at night.
And I have often wondered who,
Who could love you the way I do?
Now I just want you to know,
How I'm touched deep in my soul
Just being with you.
And I need you more each day.
Baby, if you're still awake,
Call me when you get this.
I just wanted to know what it was like, what's it really like to be loved?
These little volcanoes came as a surprise to me.
I never thought I could be this way.
And I have been cautious and I've tried to keep to myself, but who could love you the way I do?
Now I just want you to know, how I'm touched deep in my soul.
Just being with you.
So much more each day,
Baby, if you're still awake,
Call me when you get this

Until today, you held your place

2008-05-01T16:20:00.001+08:00

UNTIL TODAY, YOU HELD YOUR PLACE

Yesterday supposed to be the most happy day but indeed it was the most sucky day to me, but I'm thankful for my wonderful BFFs. Especially Kiang, Jeev, Lionel and Xian Li. I'm thankful for every word that you guys said to me, and I'm thankful for everything that you guys have done for me. So no matter what I have to protect my friends from stepping into this shit, just like how they protected me. And so I don't want them to be involved in any, and I don't wish to see anybody to disturb their life.

And I don't care if you're bitching me behind my back, cause I just don't give a damn, I know there are many many people who understand me, showing me the support. I'm not afraid cause I've got my friends who stand by me. But honestly, I've just got so pissed when people don't even know a shit about me then start to bitch me. And seriously, I feel like landing my hand on their face. I know there's only a few of people who are doing that, let's say about 5? or maybe even less than that and so yah, it's a pity that you guys not power enough to make me popular. But anyways, just stop being assholes to talk behind my back or go around to ask my friends, and some of you should have understand what my friend told you right. And more importantly, this is not even your business. But so if you dare, don't have go ask anybody just come to me, I will answer you every shit that you want to know. No kidding, seriously everyone is welcome. Cause I know myself well, I don't owe anyone.

And to you, I know I've just hurt you so bad this time, and I so don't feel good either. But I really don't know what to do to turn it all around. So just put the blame on me. I'm fine and so I hope you will be fine soon. And I hope one day you would really realize the reason for us to go separate ways this time. You're gonna take care of yourself.

I'm having fever and I think it's getting worse, but it's okay cause I think I'm fine. And I'm changing URL soon, just that I can't think of a good one. So if you got any idea do let me know alright. (: And still, at this moment of life, I think life's so beautiful. Like what I said, I love the people who love me cause I think they're just fking awesome! :D

Alrights, I'm so gonna dig out the panadol! Good girl right. Ha. &I'm so gonna be the world's happiest girl very soon. (:

LALALALA. I am happy okay! :D

P.S/ & I almost forgot about you bitch, I've heard the story, you know what, it feels like I'm just so gonna dig your eyes out, just mind your own fucking business, got it dear?

You're my sweetheart, And I'm so glad that your mine, You are one of a kind

2008-04-30T00:13:00.003+08:00

YOU'RE MY SWEETHEART
AND I'M SO GLAD THAT YOU'RE MINE
YOU ARE THE ONE OF A KIND

Today wasn't sucky. But due to some reasons I couldn't upload all the pictures today. But it's okay, tomorrow. Ha. I love my friends, seriously, to the max can. Ha. I wanna say thank you to Xian Li, Kiang, Wu Ye and this guy which till today I couldn't remember his name. Haha. That's what friends are for hor, really thank you guys for accompany me waiting for so long at such a crowded place. And also, Ahmad, I really appreciate you like sooper loads, you have to believe me things will get better, and no matter what I will stand by you, like always. :D

And I don't remember all the unhappiness, seriously. Ha. Because everyday is a sugar adding day to me, cause you wouldn't know that I've got my happy pill. Ha. Hearts. (:

Ta. (:

I had to find you, tell you i need you

2008-04-28T21:59:00.002+08:00

I HAD TO FIND YOU, TELL YOU THAT I NEED YOU

Nel! (:
Today was just today. But I was so surprised when Lester came to me and said 'Hey, you look really pretty and gorgeous today. Like woah..' I mean, I was really happy to hear that okay, like we know each other for 23456789 years this is the very first time he said that to me and you know what, he even wrote that in his blog. HAHAHAHAHA. Birds man. I am way happy for that Les. And also some of my close friends also said that I look good today, I'm really happy for that cause you know they've never said that to me before. This is the very first time and I think it's most probably the last time too. Lol. And so they made my mood pretty and so I ate alot today. OooooOoops. HA.

There's something going on in my mind, I know it's wrong but yah, I don't know lah. I want to make myself feel good. So don't ask. I won't tell you.

-
& somebody, sing me a love song if you know it's that song that's playing on my mind.

Maybe sometimes, we've got it wrong, but it's alright. The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same

2008-04-28T01:22:00.001+08:00

MAYBE SOMETIMES, WE'VE GOT IT WRONG, BUT IT'S ALRIGHT
THE MORE THINGS SEEM TO CHANGE, THE MORE THEY STAY THE SAME

Today was okay? Watched The Leap Year online, and it's like finally. Such a great show, I don't understand why nobody wanted to watch it with me. All birds. Anyways, I'm gonna be a good little girl to start study real soon. No kidding this time.

Spent the entire day at home, slept for most of the time. And then Dominic came to entertain me, we were like talking shits about Love Song. And he has actually made me sing. Holymama.

Yesterday photos, but I'm lazy to upload all.

-
you know you are always the one my heart's missing

2008-04-26T00:10:00.002+08:00

Dear you,

It's okay that you choose to block me on MSN. If that will make you feel better. And it's okay that you feel that what I've said is rubbish. It's really unexpected to see the both of us ended up in such a way though. But I understand, cause till today, there's still a bridge between us. You just can't get what I mean no matter how hard I tried to explain. But it's over now, I don't think I understand you anymore. For what I know, when I was with you I gave in wholeheartedly, I don't owe you. But I don't know if you would feel the same way too. It has really come to the end of us. It's really pity that we couldn't even be friends. I will be fine if you choose to hate me. I think in this way, we're going separate ways, so we both should move on, and truly, I wish you well. Take care.

XOXO

I pray the wind will blow my voice And gently whisper in your ear

2008-04-25T22:00:00.005+08:00

I PRAY THE WIND WILL BLOW MY VOICE
AND GENTLY WHISPER IN YOUR EAR

It's good to know that you've moved on, that you've moved away from me. And no matter if she is the one, I wish you well. I was right that still, I know you better. You took less than expected time to be fine again. And this time, I'm giving you my blessing.

Well, I don't know if I will still be going to Sentosa tomorrow cause as for now, I'm feeling very sick. I don't know if I will be fine but I'd rather to have more rest.

&I think it's time for me to move away from s-taccato. I shall start over new.
-
I'm looking out the window where we sat to watch the stars. There's a chill within the air, it makes my heart long for your touch. You may be miles away but as I kneel to pray. I picture you across the ocean in your corner of the world. I pray the wind will blow my voice and gently whisper in your ear. Your night may be my day and though the seasons change. I see the same side of the moon that we'll be looking on when the world turns blue. And know that time and space can't come between me and you, we share the same side of the moon. And though you'll never see all the tears shine through, I know I can't be that far from you if we're both looking on the same side of the moon.

-
I'm feeling so loved today, and I know this time, it's like finally, I'm on the right track. I've got the best gift from heaven. (: Y

close to you

2008-04-23T23:30:00.002+08:00

Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? Just like me, they long to be, close to you. Why do stars fall down from the sky every time you walk by? Just like me, they long to be, close to you.

On the day that you were born the angels got together, and decided to create a dream come true. So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair of gold and starlight in your eyes of blue.

That is why all the girls in town follow you all around. Just like me, they long to be, close to you.

2008-04-22T16:51:00.002+08:00

I hold back all my tears I hold back all my thoughts. And so I am happy, maybe just for this moment but I am happy. I love school, I love my loverfriends. They're awesome I swear. They are the reason for the smile on my face. And I know, they're the ones who would really be there for me no matter what. I feel so loved. We are the monkeys.

And I think Philip Mark is just so damn sexy. He's the hottest teacher! &I love OPSY lab yo! :D

2008-04-21T05:05:00.001+08:00

A heavy heart, but this time I keep all my thoughts inside. You wouldn't know how I feel, I'd rather somebody to kill me right now. )':

THE NOTTIE

2008-04-20T17:30:00.000+08:00

THE NOTTIE

I think I'm really blessed enough to have such a wonderful orientation class. And the whole of MWC freshies this year, they're just so great. They were so sweet and so so very supportive during Week 0. Their OL is the hottest and the bestest that's why. HAHAHAHA. I just can't find a way to express my love for them. It's just way so much. And I know they do love me as much too! I think you wouldn't understand how I felt. Cause simply, heart melt heart melt yo! :D

198 Y
197 Y
Larry! :D

A bit pity that Larry ain't from my orientation class. Anyways, Chun Fu thinks that I have a crush on Larry. WAHAHAHAHHA. But I still do think Larry is cute. HAHAHA. :D

This was on the second day night performance. Like woah. Larry's cute eh. HAHA.

To me, three days of Week 0 was really great, there were so much happened. Was really emotional though, and I've cried so much especially on the last day. The year 3s are leaving which made me feel so empty. But I'm truly thankful to have such wonderful friends like Darren, Zen, Ben, NaNa, Xiang and Eugene, that's from the bottom of my heart.

Watched The Hottie and The Nottie last night, which made me start to wonder a lot. It wasn't like how I felt after watching Enchanted. I know I'm not on the right track again, thousands of thoughts on my mind. I don't know which is the correct way to move on, or neither, I don't know if I should move on. I don't know if what I see is real, I don't know if I'm falling into a fairytale again. But I know I can't, I have to move away from all my fairytale thoughts. It's ain't right. I ain't the princess. And no one's gonna give me a fairytale. Anyways, I don't know if it's right, but I'm feeling scared.

School starts tomorrow. And I don't know what to wear. ):

And BFF called after so longgggg. We shared our heart. And I'm feeling much better. (:

I feel the best when i'm with you &i wanna hold your hand, forever

2008-04-16T02:05:00.000+08:00

I FEEL THE BEST WHEN I'M WITH YOU
& i wanna hold your hand, forever

I'm leaving you, I'm not sure if that's what I should do. It hurts so bad. I'm wanting you but I can't go back. Trying to find that all elusive piece of mind. Stuck here somehow, shrouded beneath my fear and doubt, and I don't need it. Cause I'm walkin down this road alone and figured all I'm thinking bout is you, is you my love. And my head is in a cloud of rain and the world it seems so far away and i'm just waiting to fall and sink into your skin. You left a mark. I wear it proudly on my chest, above my heart. To remind me that I feel the best when I'm with you. To me everything is effortless. You know its true, my eyes are painted with regret and I don't need it.

-
I don't know what's going on with my life these few days. I do think I've changed too, but I don't know if it's for good. Maybe I'm getting exhausted. I really think that I need time to put myself on the right track. You can't except me to be back like before in just few days time cause no one could really understand what I have been through this time. And this ain't the last time I'm saying this, I seriously hate it when there are people who's talking behind my back. You know what bitch, I've heard the story.

Anyways, I will be going for camp from tomorrow till not-so-sure-when. If you do miss me then drop me a sms okay. Ha. And one last thing, rose is love!

&I hope time would pass slow or maybe just stop. ):

2008-04-13T19:16:00.004+08:00

It feels like a night's dream, the dream of Cinderella. How I wish that the clock will never strike at midnight. ):

WE MIGHT GET IT THROUGH, WE MIGHT MAKE IT FAR

2008-04-09T01:25:00.002+08:00

WE MIGHT GET IT THROUGH, WE MIGHT MAKE IT FAR
ONLY IF WITH TWO WILLING HEARTS

Cried quite a few times. But I don't actually know why would I. And I think I don't like to be in this way. I know I ain't smart, I don't know how to make things right. I was just keep avoiding all time, and tying my best to drag the time. And this time, it seems my heart and mind couldn't really communicate well. I don't know, I don't want to keep thinking. This ain't the right time to do anything. So as for now, I choose to put aside all the troubles. I don't want to think of anything that would make me uphappy. I don't feel like to make any decisions either. Maybe just a few days time. But I wanna be happy before the storm comes. Cause I think my heart's weak I can't take so many things at a time. Even though I don't really know what to make me happy. But yah, I don't know if anybody would understand me and I don't think I understand myself. So well, it's pretty alright that you don't. Anyways, just forget about it. (:

Gina talked to me just now and I think she's really cute. HA. (:

Gine: How to make you happy?
Me: Get me a rose, a pink one. You know I love roes. And I will be very happy. :D
Gina: Hmmm. No, I mean something's cheap. Don't you think roses are too expensive?
Me: Well, then I will get one for myself then. ):

I mean honestly, I think roses are really cheap lah. You can get one at only 1.50 bucks. Don't you think it's great. Ha. And I think in order to make myself very happy I will get myself 10 roses tomorrow! LALALAs.

I've got honey & lemon strepsils today. And it's like sweet. I think I am lucky. (:

DOUBLE CHINNN, I LIKE. (:

2008-04-08T01:09:00.002+08:00

DOUBLE CHINNN, I LIKE.

A pretty drama day. I've got my very very very first "LOVE LETTER". Don't laugh, it's really a love letter okay. I know you're jealous cos you don't have one. LALALALAs. And someone cute said my hair is nice. I know I know. HAHA. Most importantly, I've got hugged. Eh, though I cried today but I'm still feeling wonderful! I mean I'd really go Lala. :D

-
I know that it might sound strange
But you made my seasons start to change
It happened so suddenly
Like heaven has waited up for me

The letters you wrote to me
Showed me the signs I've never seen
I guess you know how to read my mind

Sometimes you think I'm beautiful
But I don't know
I'll keep it to myself
You say it. It feels wonderful
My smile can show
I'm lost in paradise
(:

I NEED A HUG, ANYONE?

2008-04-07T01:22:00.004+08:00

I NEED A HUG, ANYONE?

I think today's good. I've got bueno. And I think I'm happy. :D

I think I cannot take sad songs now, I was actually tearing after listening to 3 sad love songs. Feel abit not right then started to think a lot. I want a tight hug. It has been really long, I think only Serene bothers to hug me. Why don't wanna hug me? I smell good okay.

2008-04-06T02:15:00.001+08:00

I know that it might sound strange
But you made my seasons start to change
It happened so suddenly
Like heaven has waited up for me

Damn you bitch!

2008-04-05T03:50:00.000+08:00

DAMN YOU BITCH (:

I've got home not long ago. And I was bathed and everything, surprisingly I'm not tired. And I'd say today was a great day, I mean not so sucky as compared to my normal days. But I've lost my voice, this is pretty sad cause I surely will take damn long time to recover. Today was fun. Final Clash was great and Ares the best best okay. I mean throughout the entire camp without any helpings from the seniors we really did our best, it's like if you're not blind you should see that right. (: And I love the card writing time, like always I love to see how my empire people thinking of me. Ha. I mean this year's really special as compared to the previous one. I'm not only being recognized as the brainless supergirl. HAHA. There's people who thinks I rock, who misses my laughter, who thinks my acting skill's good and even wanna recommend me to mediacorp, and also who thinks that I'm sweet & caring. HAHA. I know it was like damn fun to have me around lah.

After everything I've got to meet up with some of the starscreamers at concourse, Jolene, Diana, Leslie, Zen and JiaBao. We were like really crazy, keep doing our empire cheers. I was like woah I still can remember the cheers. Then Boon and his blackout people started their cheers. But it's like you know lah, we can scream really loud can.

Had dinner with some of my empire people, it was like really fun time spent and then went to starbucks with Amanda darling and Chin Soon. Great time spent but I hope Amanda's feeling better now, I don't know why but I feel damn wrong to see her sad! So cheer up darling! You know we all love you deep deep deep!

This is when Wei Yang the designer dressing up the best model. And it's so unfair that WY is actually older than me but he looks like 3 years younger than me. ):
Peace Peace (:
MAS SIR AHMAD sucking the biggest cock on earth!

&This is very important for today, "...Gdine is also a girl (though she's a supergirl)". I heart Ares! (:

-
This is... I don't know if everything's alright. And I'm now like in a lost. Really. I don't know who can turn to now, it's not like there's no one who bothers me. There are the people, but suddenly I felt everybody's having their own problems at the same time. Busy busy. So I don't want to disturb anyone of them. But I don't know what will I be if I keep everything in myself. So I said I'm really lost. And I don't know if there's still anybody's free, maybe can come and talk to me and help me step out of this?

Ohmymama, I'm off to bed. Night (:

D':

2008-04-04T03:28:00.003+08:00

D':

I would gladly hit the road get up and go if I knew that someday it would lead me back to you
Cos in darkness you are all I see
And I never want to leave

I will kill you

2008-04-04T00:53:00.000+08:00

I WILL KILL YOU!

I love my empire, especially today, it was like so much difference from yesterday! Fun time with almost everybody, except for this dot dot dot guy, I mean you can't judge him by the appearance. Lols. I actually feel bad that I keep on went missing. But it's like for good reason mah. Ha. Performance night was great. I swear we were the best. It was like so damn perfect can! And our FAs, Maryam is the cutest ever, and Marcus, his so not fierce okay, very da nice lah. So M&M's the bestest! Eh, there was this part when I fell so badly at the back staircase then the sound was like so loud, then everybody thought that I couldn't open the door and all came over to help me open the door, but yah, they still don't know I fell. Shhhh. HAHAHA. Tomorrow's the last day, and I will try my very best to remember everyone's name, but you know I don't think Marcus can remember all also. Hahaha. Good day people!

I've realised that there are many people who really care for me and to be very honest, I didn't treat them that well though. And as compared to those I treated them wholeheartedly but I've got nothing in return, really a heart-breaking lah.

But anyways, I am happy and I'm so jealous of Ivan's new big ass cam! Somebody get me one lahhhhhhhhh, please! :D

Nights sweeties!

2008-04-03T08:31:00.000+08:00

D:

Combien gentil pourrait il être déchirant?
Il n'y a aucun amour, pourquoi chanter une chanson d'amour?
le sexe là n'est aucun amour
Vous ne m'aimez plus et ainsi j'apprendrai pas l'amour vous

M&M

2008-04-03T00:04:00.005+08:00

M&M

they're the super lovely ones(:

Night walk was super scary. But there were nice ghosts. I mean its like. You should have come to ask me for the whole story. Ha. (: Nice people in my group, like Ahmand, Unice, Zax and Chin Soon, not to forget our M&M. But still I couldn't really remember the rest. Eh, okay. Not a good day but ain't a bad day too. I'm going off. (:

2008-03-30T22:28:00.002+08:00

Supposed to be a sucky day but there always people who would turn it good for me. It felt like so sweet. You've got a million ways to make me laugh, to push the clouds away. I smile for the people who want me to be happy. They are the ones who really care for you. Friends hang on through the ups and the downs, cause they've got someone to believe in. (:

&God is good!

AND I WOULD GLADLY HIT THE ROAD GET UP AND GO IF I KNEW

2008-03-29T23:30:00.003+08:00

AND I WOULD GLADLY HIT THE ROAD GET UP AND GO IF I KNEW
THAT SOMEDAY IT WOULD LEAD ME BACK TO YOU

I understand every little thing that you've said and I appreciate that you understand my situation so well. And hellos it would be really good that you let your heart out without any unreasonable misunderstandings that might just hurt you so bad. You know I was like woah look at the people who make me happy, who I can share everything with. You're right that I can't only share my happiness I should also share my sadness and it's like everything with the people who make me go lalala. Ren ren wei wo wo wei ren ren. Ha. And I would take a small step at a time though you believe that I would make a big one. Slowly, slowly, I would back to the one that you think is super-happy-big-eyes-girl-who-knows-how-to-make-herself-pretty-always. Yea, some BFFs are treating me really sweet recently, even stopped me from eatting super expensive yucky beef. Ha. And it's like I'm so wanna sing this song right now, it's just so meaningful! To all my BFFs, wonderful!

You've got a million ways to make me laugh
You're looking out for me, you've got my back
It's so good to have you around

You know the secrets I could never tell
And when I'm quiet you break through my shell
Don't feel the need to do a rebel yell
Cause you keep my feet on the ground

You're a true friend
You're here 'till the end
You pull me aside when something ain't right
Talk with me now and into the night
'Till it's alright again
You're a true friend

It's like from the bottom bottom of heart. You don't get angry when I change the plans. Somehow you're never out of second chances. Won't say I told you, when I'm wrong again, I'm just so lucky that I've found YOU! Let's sign our cards and letters BFF. Ha.

XOXO
(:

Je t'aime. Ainsi que diriez-vous de vous ?

2008-03-25T23:58:00.001+08:00

Je t'aime. Ainsi que diriez-vous de vous?

Ice Cream.

Happy.

You start to wonder why I'm not yours.

Horton is the superhero!

Cried.

Pink Roses.

Fster is the bitch, damn!

Dried tears.

Aranda.

Back to before!

Peanuts.

I think I ain't on the right track.

Sandals.

Something I keep in my heart.

Yucky beef.

I've gained back very important friendship!

Laugh Out Loud!

True colours, there's always people who doesn't give a damn but there's always people who cares

Bananas.

You don't, but you do.

Big eyebags.

Heart talk.

Amazing Rubik's cube.

I'm thinking maybe you're right I'm one in million.

I'm broke.

R&B.

If you think I'm pretty in your eyes then I am!

Sauce with super lemons.

!It's a circle, not so big not so small circle, but somehow we all linked up together.

Today, I've deleted the bad and so I'm a happy girl today. (:

P/S : not in order alright.

2008-03-22T22:54:00.002+08:00

It's getting confused, let me read your mind?

SOMETHING ABOUT LOVE

2008-03-18T16:15:00.003+08:00

SOMETHING ABOUT LOVE
As we go on, we remember all the times we had together

"I wish you would treasure me someday
& I wish you would love me someday
Just like the way I love you"

... ...

To you, you brought me to your secret place, getting me roses and said that I'm beautiful. But you, you shouldn't treat me in this way, this is not right that you could always find me when I'm feeling sad and lost. It is not right that you want to cross the boundary. You know this, even though it was you with me all along, but my heart was at that someone else. And my mind just couldn't stop a minute to think of that someone else. It's like a hurting chain, I couldn't stop him from hurting me. But unknowingly, I know I'm hurting you. There's still a way to save you, just move away from me and never pity me.

And ~~you~~, you were a beautiful mistake, said you should have know me earlier. Too many 'ifs' that you've said. But we both know that they would never happen. To me, you were just a sudden impulse. I thought I could use you as a replacement, but it's just impossible for me to replace something that's irreplacable. You chose to open another door, so you shouldn't look back at me, cause you can't take me away so why don't you locked up mine and put it deep down.

Then you, even though you brought me tons of tears but I would always wipe them away and smile back at you pretend that I'm strong. Even though you've broke my heart into half but I would always find a way to mend it back and pretend that I'm fine. I know you were sent from heaven. I thought you were sent to love me endlessly. But I was wrong, you were sent to torture me. You might not know but you've successed cause I started falling into pieces, cause the pain you've given me could stop the breathing. And I, I've got no strength to fight with all attractions surrounding you. Too many to fight with. Now I could only see you walk away while falling. But I never afraid to admit that I loved you, that I'm loving you and I will love you always. This is something so true that tattooed on my heart. You're controlling my emotions and I'm just like a puppet. I'm asking you to be kind the one last time, so end my life with the sword in your hand, putting it through my heart, and for the one last time whisper to me that you've loved me, truly, you did.

... ....

A love story like this, is something about you, yourself, something that you would feel the heart's beating. *peace (:

-
I'm thinking of you
And I never stop thinking of you

Let the rain fall, i don't care I'm yours and suddenly you're mine

2008-03-17T14:09:00.007+08:00

LET THE RAIN FALL
I DON'T CARE I'M YOURS AND SUDDENLY YOU'RE MINE

I'm so in love with this red polaroid cam, it's pretty cool eh. Anyways, I wanna get one polaroid cam so badly. So if anyone get one for me I will love you for... okay, one month! :D

Had a good laugh over this advertisement on Fster. It's just so funny that if you could find your 'one in a million' in this way. *peace (:
-
Eh, about today, don't really feel like to talk about it, anyways, something has made me smile. And I don't know if I should look forward to tomorrow cos I ain't gonna go out tomorrow.

Just that, don't take my happiness away. Ta! (:

-
Every time my phone rings
Every time I receive a message
I smile to the thought of it coming from you

MAS SELAMAT

2008-03-16T23:13:00.000+08:00

MAS SELAMAT THE BLOODY TERRORIST

Just few days ago I've found this Mas Selamat.... ........
LOOKALIKE! AHMAD! Okay. Definitely Ahmand is much much more good looking! :D

2008-03-11T23:49:00.000+08:00

TODAY is TUESDAY ! (: Y

God's gonna make me a better girl please!
Cos I think my boyfriend's perfect!
And I love today cos I spent with baby!
& I pray hard to see him everyday. (:
Ahhh, I miss him already can't wait to see him tomorrow!
Wed will be another lovely day. (:

CAN WE BRING YESTERDAY BACK AROUND COS HOW I KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT YOU NOW

2008-03-08T23:59:00.000+08:00

CAN WE BRING YESTERDAY BACK AROUND
COS I KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT YOU NOW

And we both knew, you're wrong
There's nothing you can do, to ever undo what you've done to me
I loved you, deep in my heart I know you couldn't love me
But baby I just kept holding on, I shoulda let you go
Shoulda let you go
-

I don't know the right way to express myself now, though I shouldn't have any negative feelings, but today wasn't a happy day obviously. When a relationship has to end in a way one party didn't expect such an ending, it just simply bring so much hurt. With the involvement of the third party, oh my beautiful affair, nothing's getting better. Somehow, it made me feel scared, scared of losing, scared of this would happen to me. ):

-
couldn't stay around, thinking you would learn to love

2008-03-05T00:29:00.003+08:00

900 minutes more till he ruturns. missing him is killing me. ):

-
The most important thing that I want to say is...
Thank you, truly from the bottom of my heart.

):

2008-03-03T23:59:00.003+08:00

)':

Today wasn't an easy day for me ever since this morning, I'm glad to see that I was getting stronger in a way I pretended well. I didn't flood the tears out in front of anybody. I kept them all to myself. I have no idea how long I've been sitting outside Harbourfront till this friend of mine rang me up and actually went down to find me. There weren't much words came out my mouth today, other than 'eh, okay, oh'. Cos seemed that the tears would come out whenever my lips move. Kind of feeling ain't nice. Actually I don't really know why I would be in this way. When I was on the train with him I felt like crying but it wasn't feeling this way. It does taste so sorrow.

And L, I know you would be reading this. I should have said thank you, my friend. Really. Thank you for coming down this morning to check if I'm alright. Thanks for just quietly sitting beside me for hours and never forcing me to say a word. You know that I didn't want to talk, I didn't want to share a thing. It wasn't like what you said that you couldn't even help me. You did, so much more that I felt that my friends are cared, I wasn't alone. Thanks for saying all those nice words about me to cheer me up. Thank you for hearing me keep saying that I miss him. And keep assuring me that he does feel the same way for me too. Thank for playing the slow love songs just because I like though they're so not your type. Thanks for the messages and calls to check if I'm alright. Truly, I appreciate this friendship, I thank you, and this time I owe you. And I believe what you've told me that he can feel that I miss you this much even though he's so far away. I thank you and I promise you I'll be stronger and happier tomorrow.

And the another friend of mine, it's really a bit scary to know that you would always know what I'm thinking. Without asking a word, you know I ain't feeling right today. Just a simple hug and telling me things would be better. Thank you for tying to date me out tomorrow, like you said I need some fun time to cheer myself up. But I'm sorry I can't make it for tomorrow. But I'm truly appreciate.

-
Dear you,
I so not used to of not hearing your voice to sleep
I miss you so much and it's too much that I can't tell how much it is
I hope you won't be angry with me, I don't wanna make you unhappy
And I'm sorry if I did.
I love you, it's so deeply!

Lost In Paradise

2008-03-02T00:31:00.002+08:00

LOST IN PARADISE

credits to Alvin (:
-
I know that it might sound strange but you made my seasons start to change. It happened so suddenly like heaven has waited up for me. I've just been looking so long, kept meeting my Mr.wrong in every model and every size. Now my fantasy is staring at your eyes. Sometimes you think I'm beautiful but I don't know, I'll keep it to myself. You say it, it feels wonderful. My smile can show i'm lost in paradise. The letters you wrote to me showed me the signs I've never seen, I thought every man I'd want falls out of a dating magazine. But now I know that with you that was so far from the truth, on every page and every line. Now, I guess you know how to read my mind.

You! Not ~~you.~~ I know You could read through my mind. I wouldn't be wrong this time... Am I right? (:

myfriend

2008-02-26T22:02:00.002+08:00

We signed our cards and letters BFF. You've got a million ways to make me laugh. You're lookin' out for me, you've got my back. It's so good to have you around. You know the secrets I could never tell, and when I'm quiet you break through my shell. Don't feel the need to do a rebel yell, cause you keep my feet on the ground.

You're here till the end, you pull me aside when something ain't right. Talk to me now and into the night till it's alright again. You don't get angry when I change the plans, somehow you're never out of second chances. Won't say "I told you" when I'm wrong again, I'm so lucky that I've found a friend like you.

True friends will go to the ends of the earth, till they find the things you need. Friends hang on through the ups and the downs, cause they've got someone to believe in. No need to pretend I've found a friend like you.

Oh, You're a true friend. (:

2008-02-26T06:04:00.001+08:00

was a little bit . but i love my friends who woke up early and asked if i'm feeling better. i love my friends making me feel like a rose, i love my friends said that i'm special. and i love my friends lying to themselves by saying my hair's nice. liarsss lah! and i haven't make up my mind for friday. i need some more time to decide . ha. (:

2008-02-25T05:25:00.000+08:00

Baby webcamed me yesterday. He's the best best ever! :D Ohhh I love him so much!

2008-02-24T00:20:00.002+08:00

Libra (Sep 23 - Oct 22), February 24, 2008

You have an extra-strong appreciation of beauty today, so it's a wonderful time to go out and enjoy the things you usually find most beautiful. Flowers, art, landscapes, the beach and other kinds of natural beauty will be especially welcome to your wide-open, receptive eyes. Heck, even the things (and the people) you don't think are particularly attractive will have a certain aesthetically pleasing effect. And if you're about to go on a first date, your attraction to the other person will be greater too.

-
I have no idea of what exactly I want to do now, cos one moment I felt like I want to do so many things, but another moment, I don't feel like doing anything. &I can't actually tell that what I have been doing today. Okay, basically, I was spending most of the time on thinking. I was thinking of certain people and certain things that would make me so happy and of course, those bad enough to make me cry you a river. I was thinking of the people who were with me all those moments. I was thinking of the people that I hate to death. I've regret of knowing some people. I've regret that I've made some people leave me. I've regret of something that I've said. I've regret of letting myself been treated that way. But I would think of those wonderful moments spent. But anyways, I know it ain't good that I keep thinking of the past. So yah. (:

And I don't think I can make any new friends now. Cos me, I'm like a bit scared of making any new friends now. The past year, I've lost too many of the new friends which I thought would be my bestfs. So if now you ask me, 'Can I be your bestf?' I'd say, NO. I'm sorry. Maybe give me a year time.

Ohhhh, I wanna watch Leap Years. (:

I'm meeting baby tomorrow! It's love baby! He has just said that he loves me. My baby is mine is not bloody ~~yours~~. &That's why I love my baby. MINE okay. (:

2008-02-22T21:46:00.000+08:00

[ Current Mood : disappointed ]

Cmaths was alright. The paper wasn't that easy thou, I don't understand how could those people finished in just half an hour time. Irritated the shit out. I'm pretty glad that quite a number of people came to wish me luck for the exam. (:

Baby was really nice, he messaged and called before my paper, so that I could really concentrate. My baby's sweet. (: But I do feel a little bit weird for not seeing baby today, ohhh and tomorrow and sunday and monday. Bloody four days. Bad enough! Ahhhhhhhhhh! ):

&I was a bit disappointed today about the stuffs that talked about. I feel the needs to face the reality cos korean drama doesn't exist in real life. Those romantic stories, it's better not to watch so much. And though we can't avoid of all the shitty family problem sometimes, but we have our own way to deal with it. I don't know, I just feel that if we back to our cartoon topic and others we would be happier. I don't want to think so much, cos the more I think the more I don't feel right. Becos I know, in a way I'm also pretnding that I'm fine...

2008-02-21T23:58:00.003+08:00

Don't take too long to say
I love you to the ones you love
Cause time has a habit of slipping away
And out on a clear blue sky
When lightning strikes on a sunny day
Just take me in and keep me from the rain

And the words that seem so hard so say
Come out when you've gone away
Just stay a little while and hear me say

That I want you here tonight
And I need you by my side
For just one more moment
For just one more moment with you

Turn away to say goodbye
With each and every word that passes by
Like a distant memory

And time keeps slipping away
And time will turn to grey
And time will be the one who holds you down

Sometimes time will treat you bad
Before you even know what's wrong
And in the end it hits you hard
Please tell me you'll be strong
-

Bad. Exams start next week. ): But on the happier note, i'm going out with Vanessa soooooon after my exams! & Will meet up with Siew Huay and Amanda too. (:

Baby's going overseas trip after the exam week. This is totally bad for me. )':

I never want to see you unhappy I thought you'd want the same for me

2008-02-20T20:59:00.003+08:00

I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU UNHAPPY
I THOUGHT YOU'D WANT THE SAME FOR ME

I, haven't felt like this in so many moons
You know what I mean
And we can build through this destruction
As we are standing on our feet
The words you say to me are unlike anything
That's ever been said
what you do to me is unlike anything
That's ever been
Am I too obvious to preach it?
You're so hypnotic on my heart
So, since you wanna be with me
You'll have to follow through
With every word you say
And I, all I really want is you
you to stick around
I'll see you everyday
But you have to follow through
You have to follow through

-
You're gonna show me the right way to love you
Cos you must know. I, I do love you this much

2008-02-20T15:02:00.007+08:00

FOR WHO YOU ARE

Randomly, I've found the photos of those friends. They have given me a lot and I think I should thank them. Thanks for always encourage me when I'm down. Thanks for listen to me cry and cry with me. Thanks for every little thing. I know I'm not a good friend to be with. But thanks, for never neglect me.

Siew Huay!
She's important to me, just very very important that kind (:
But I'm just too shy to say I love you. You know I do lah!
Mun Qi!
I love her cos she's taller than me, 3cm! :D
&I think she misses me, though she's MIA-ing.
Seems that she never bother to come here, but if you see this girl, I miss you!(:
Serene!
I love it when she calls me sexy pretty lady. Ha.
We love the same guy. (:
Lionel!
He's the one that I can really talk to.
He really gave me some good ideas.
& I know he does support what I think, thou I'm really wrong.
He can solve the rubik's cube faster than me. But Min's the fastest! Ha. (:
Sanjeev!
One day he said this to me when I almost cried the shit out of me
- 'Your bestfriend can beat up anyone just for you!'
Always telling me to be strong but for so long still spell wrong my name. Ha (:
Melinda!
My lovergirl that would lend me her shoulder when I cry. (:
Darren!
Banana! I think my skin's thicker. Ha.
He can be everyone's bestfriend (:
Mates
Because I love werid songs that's why I got to know him.
I know he's really disappointed by me.
But I still appreciate for the time you always listen to me and stand by me.
Pawan, Dada, Yaya
They're the love!
Thou we would only meet up during chinese new year time.
But still, I enjoy the time we looking at those super hot boys.
&Pawan, I'll see him in TP soooooon! :D
JiaLing!
No matter what, I love you still! (:
Nana!
My princess. I love to see the smile on your face.(:
&Jolene!
You're the happy pill.
Albert!
In a way, I do think you're weird my friend. Still.
But thank you for always sending me encouraging smses.
JieMin & Unice!
This the only picture that have me, Jie Min and Unice.
Anyways Jie Min, thanks for the time you stand by me
&being so supportive! (:
Xian Li, Sanjeev, Kiang, Lionel &Jon!
This photo was taken by me, I like it. Thou they're just bloody act cute.
They're my friends and best of my classmates. Seems that they can never be serious. &Thou they always make fun of each other.
But they're my friends who would hate the people who bully me, bitch me
& make me unhappy.
They would really be serious when I'm in deep shit
although in a really different way, but they do show they cared.
I feel that we're just like primary school kids.
Cos our topics are just way too childish.

Amanda, Vanessa and Nelson. I can't find the photos of you guys. But still. Thank you for being my friends. (:

2008-02-16T20:52:00.003+08:00

No one told me the right way, the right way to go about this
So I'll figure it out for myself
Cause how much is too much to give you
Well, I may never know so I'll just give until there's nothing else

I'll give give give until there's nothing else
Give my all until it all runs out
Give give and I'll have no regrets
I'll give until there's nothing left

No one told me how bad I need you
But I somehow arrived at that conclusion all by myself
And I want all you have to offer
So I'll offer myself and I'll just give until there's nothing else

with me

2008-02-16T00:31:00.003+08:00

~~WITH~~ ME

Take time to realize, I have wonderful people around me. Who made me laugh when I don't feel so right. Who encouraged me when I don't feel so confident. Who hates the person that I hate and always telling me 'You've got nothing wrong'. Who would make a call to check if I'm on the way to school when I almost late for lesson. Who would send me encouraging message and telling me to be strong. Who would notice any changing of my hair and say 'Nice hair day'. Who would always kindly lending me books to go photocopy. Who would still giving me a helping hand though has been really disappointed by me. Who would listen to me cry and given me a hug when I finished crying..

&many many. Seems that, I only care about the people who doesn't really care for me. I want to be noticed by them, so I gave in more. It has been long, but it doesn't seem to work, only think of me when needed me to do something or when there's no one else to think of. But at the same time, I neglected the wonderful people around me. Unconditionally giving me the care but I, only treasure the people who doesn't treasure me. I hope it's not too late for me to treasure what I should.

Thank you wonderful people.

-
I'd say that you're in my heart
You are, you are

VALENTINE'S VALENTINE

2008-02-14T21:35:00.005+08:00

VALENTINE'S VALENTINE

You were my superwoman, quietly by my side
Unconditionally giving me the love and care I've always desired
But i'm only human and how could I not notice your loneliness
How could i make such a cruel mistake

I negected that you have feelings
That sometimes you want to cry
Give this pampered man a last chance, now it's my turn
To tolerate, my turn to wait

I had an over-simplistic outlook on love
I thought my existence was good enough for you
The only superwoman in my heart, you're irriplacable
I can't imagine, let alone forgive myself for allowing our love to vanish this way
-

My dear valentine,

I've seen your face a thousand times, have all your stories memorised. I've kissed your lips a million ways, but I still love to have you around. I've held you too many times to count, I think I know you inside out. And we're together most days, but I still love to have you around. So don't go away, I'm happiest when we spend time.

I, I love to have you around.

2008-02-10T21:00:00.000+08:00

today supposed to be a sucky day, but i choose to not remember all the unhappiness. so today's good day. i saw melinda & raymond. i got hugs. i got free rose and ice cream. and i got nice friends who called me and said 'i miss you lah.' and SH, sweet loving. so there are more reasons for me to smile than to cry. and the fact is, i'm getting stronger. (:

p.s/ the boy like him is hard to find in nowdays. like really, one in a million, so you should know what to do. say YES!

2008-02-09T03:47:00.001+08:00

it's too obvious to see
it's too hard to believe
but it's too cruel to accept

2008-02-07T01:12:00.000+08:00

HAPPY CNY

i keep myself stay calm with this slow love song, and i wish my life would be a plain sunny rainbow one. For what i wish is a fairytale.

2008-02-05T22:44:00.000+08:00

empty

i gave it all till here's nothing left for me.

&i miss you, but not ~~you~~

THIS IS SO LIKE OHMYMAMA, WHAT THE FCUK?!

2008-02-03T23:12:00.000+08:00

THIS IS SO LIKE OHMYMAMA, WHAT THE FCUK?!

Alrights. Maybe I'm just too slow to know this news and to see these photos. You can't blame me cos I don't read newspapers and I don't watch news on tv. Or should blame to all the freaking projects, whatever it is.

Anyways, I don't know if you think the porno photos are juicy, But for what I felt when I fist saw them... I was really... disappointed, it's werid but I do feel in this way still. I don't know. I mean, that's their personal life, it's no right or wrong. If they like it, they can do whatever things they like, just damn the person who got all those scandalous photos in Ed's computer. As what he said, in 2 days time he's gonna post online the other 60 plus porno photos of Ed. I don't want to say anything. Cos I was so crazy over Ed last time and till now I still do think he's the most handsome guy in Hong Kong. But anyways, I just feel that Gillian Chung is damn slutty. Like Ohgodd, HENG, I like Ah Sa more. Hahas. And Bobo is a bitch. Okay. End of my nonsense.

peace (:

SAY YOU WILL

2008-01-31T22:26:00.000+08:00

SAY YOU WILL

If the heart is always searching, can you ever find a home? I've been looking for that someone, I can't make it on my own. Dreams can't take the place of loving you, there's gotta be a million reasons why it's true.

How long will I be waiting, to be with you again? Gonna tell you that I love you, in the best way that I can. I can't take a day without you here, you're the light that makes my darkness disappear. &Every day, I start to realize, I can reach my tomorrow, I can hold my head high, and it's all because you're by my side.

When you look me in the eyes, and tell me that you love me. Everything's alright, when you're right here by my side. When you look me in the eyes, I catch a glimpse of heaven. I find my paradise, when you look me in the eyes.

IF YOU JUST REALIZED WHAT I JUST REALIZED THEN WE'D BE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER

2008-01-27T22:34:00.000+08:00

IF YOU JUST REALIZED WHAT I JUST REALIZED
THEN WE'D BE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER

My thumbdrive has passed this virus to baby's lappy. )':

2008-01-24T23:18:00.000+08:00

Everything between 6 to 11pm was good. Randomly. Went for dinner with this group of people whom I call them my best friends in TP. Though dinner time was short but had lots of laughters. It has been long since I last went out with them. We talked quite lots of things. Had good laugh at our favourite cartoon. I enjoyed the time I spent with them like this. Cos rarely I could have the chance to be with them this way. It is not that I have no time to meet them up, in fact I'm seeing them everyday in school. But that also seems to be the only time.

And at the same time, I'm thinking of another group of my friends. Recently, a few came to me and told me things like 'Hey i'm quite disappointed in you'. I understand it was all because you all care for me, but I don't really feel good, cos I know I'm letting you guys down. Yes, maybe as what you said, I have a choice. But I don't wish... Well, I'm glad somebody would ring me up on new year day just to check if I'm alright. Really, I'm appreciate that my friends care for me. Especially at the time that you were feeling really down. I didn't know I would cry. But kind of touch, I couldn't control. And also, I'm thankful for those who understand my situation, without forcing me to do anything just simply showing me the support. How great could it be. 'If you're happy then just follow your heart follow your mind...' I know no matter what you people would be there for me. Though maybe this few, but are great enough.

Thanks for supporting my decision, thanks for never neglect me, and thanks for those random calls just to say that 'Hey, i miss you'. Thanks for always pick up my call no matter if it's in late night listen to me and all. I don't know if is the emo bug attacked me again, I know what are the thoughts that are racing through my mind now. But for whatI feel so true now is that maybe in the end I would lose everything. But just this few friends of mine would really pull me through. I know I will be falling apart if that's really happens. But I'm sure they will be there.

I know you people might never read this but still I want thank you. Thank you for taking me as your friend.

2008-01-23T19:52:00.000+08:00

maybe i shouldn't ask you to delete her in your msn
i didn't even think about before i told you all that
so scared to see that you've got so mad and angry of that
maybe i'm too sick too tired to process anything through my mind
i didn't want to make you so pissed off
too much sorry that i've said so it means nothing to you now
i know no matter what i say it won't work anymore
but for what i'm sure of is that you're getting tired of me
almost everyday i'm letting you down
piss you off badly
your eyes won't lie, you're tired, tired of me
i'm glad, glad you let it show
and i, i don't know what to do now
cos seems, i become an irritating person
i don't want to do anything cos i don't wanna make you angry anymore
i'm getting so scared
so i don't want to move anymore
i'm waiting for you to take the next step
i don't know what will that be
but no matter what i'm just gonna accept it
cos i know this i owe you
but truly i'm really sorry for all the wrong that i've done
i'm sorry for disappointing you everyday.
i don't know why i make everything this way though all wasn't i wanted
sorry. really i'm sorry
but i haven't make up my mind
i don't know if i will really let you go if you wish to leave
that ain't easy for me at all
totally not
if i still have chance
i wish you would let me understand you more
i wish i would treate you better
cos you're the hardest thing to remove from my heart
if i still have chance
i will learn to love you right
i'd do everything to hold your hand tight
and only if i still have chace
i will find a way to you my heart
to show you're always there
cos you're and always will be
so i wish you would give me the chance
i don't want you to leave me

on a happier note, i'm learning to be stronger, so even that's really a storm coming my way, and blow me down but slowly i know i would get up. i don't know what's in store for me tomorrow but no matter how it gonna be i'll be strong, cos i understand there's always rainbow after every storm. maybe it will take a really long time, but someday i'll be fine. \/

and i, i love you.

2008-01-23T00:25:00.000+08:00

Now I was sitting waiting wishing
That you believed in superstitions
Then maybe you'd see the signs
But Lord knows that this world is cruel
And I ain't the Lord, no I'm just a fool
Learning loving somebody don't make them love you

I sing ya songs I dance a dance
I gave ya friends all a chance
Putting up with them wasn't worth never having you
And maybe you been through this before
But its my first time
So please ignore
The next few lines cause they're directed at you

I keep playing your part
But its not my scene
Wont this plot not twist?
I've had enough mystery
Keep building me up, then shooting me down
Well im already down
Just wait a minute
Just sitting waiting

Well if I was in your position
I'd put down all my ammunition
I'd wondered why'd it taken me so long
But Lord knows that I'm not you
And If I was I wouldn't be so ~~cruel~~
Cause waiting on love ain't so easy to do

Must I always be waiting waiting on you?
Must I always be playing playing your fool?
No I cant always be waiting waiting on you
I cant always be playing playing your ~~fool~~

2008-01-22T01:03:00.000+08:00

BIGASS CAM IS THE SEX Y

2008-01-20T22:03:00.000+08:00

Today I missed boyfriend badly.
Today I wanna buy Amy Winehouse's album.
Today I think Show Luo is sexy.
Today I've found the miss little necklet.
Today I've started a new drama.
Today thanks Danny for help for DCNK.
Today I wanna tell boyfriend something.

-
No one told me the right way, the right way to go about this
So I'll figure it out for myself
Cause how much is too much to give you
Well, I may never know so I'll just give until there's nothing else

Give my all until it all runs out
Give give and I'll have no regrets
I'll give until there's nothing left

No one told me how bad I need you
But I somehow arrived at that conclusion all by myself
And I want all you have to offer
So I'll offer myself and I'll just give until there's nothing else

Sometimes it seems like all I ever do
Is ask for things until I ask too much of you
But that's not the way
I wanna live, I need to change
Yeah something's gotta give

Give my all until it all runs out
Give give and I'll have no regrets
I'll give until there's nothing left

-
yes. keep your hands on your boy.

2008-01-19T23:59:00.000+08:00

Today was quite alright. Went to school to finish up my FNDB this morning. Okay. I was stupid enough to take the wrong bus. I took 9 to 201 then crossed the bridge, supposed to take 8 to school but when 9 came I just go up the bus and then I've realised I was on the wrong bus, the bus which bought me back home again. And so I had to go back to 201 to wait for the bloody bus 8 again. Wasted my time. Don't laugh at me. You can't blame me cos I'm sick.

Well, reached school about 9.30. I must say, I chose the correct lab today. I was just absolutely luky that I was in this lab with the genius. So that I could finish my project on time. That makes me feel good. A big thank you to Zax and Lee Wei. Especially Zax, I think I would be crying now if you weren't there to help me. Ha.

Back home about 1.30 then printed out everything. Rested a little bit then headed down to town and then bugis. I got a lot goodies for myself today. I love the dresses in Top. Way so nice okay. I wanna buy! Ahhh! But I need a member card. Whoever the shit that's using my card now I curse you! Curse you hard!

Anyways, dinner time and after was good but I'm lazy to talk about it. Then got home about 10 plus 11. I heard Jay Chou! Wooohooos. Ha. Anyways, today was a good day. But boyfriend didn't call me today not even a message which I feel quite sad. I hope he doesn't forget me. Cos seems I always the last one go into his busy mind. But it's okay. At least, I'm still in it. Contented.

i'm a liar. good day. thank you. (:

-
oh you bitch. i'm so scared of kitty bitches!): they are the whores. ohmymama. hands off please.

2008-01-19T21:53:00.000+08:00

everytime i look at the phone
there's disappointment
the phone rings
but ain't you
i love it when you call
but you never call at all

2008-01-18T20:37:00.000+08:00

baby...
He's the one that I yearn for whenever I feel alone
&life's dull whenever I feel his absence.
I miss him. It seems like its neverending.

&I say, 'baby, loving you is what I'm born to do.'
Y

2008-01-17T00:17:00.000+08:00

I'm so damn pissed off! Totally spoiled my mood! Out of nowhere. Why whatever shits all must blame on me. I told you. I DIDN'T!

):<

2008-01-16T00:52:00.000+08:00

Dig out your ear shit and listen carefully I am so not interested to be your friend. So get lost please!

I NEVER FEEL LIKE THIS BEFORE JUST WHEN I LEAVE I'M BACK FOR MORE

2008-01-16T00:36:00.000+08:00

I NEVER FELT LIKE THIS BEFORE
JUST WHEN I LEAVE, I'M BACK FOR MORE

Lazy to update and seriously, nothing much to update about. And I'm way lazy to upload all the photos either. Projects and projects, i'm dying soon. Open house was alright.

Went to bestf house just now, took back my mask. bestf added one more layer for me but still, I'm thinking of buying another roll of plaster to add two more layers. I'm designing for my mask now, I needa decide a theme. Next week I'm goona be way so very busy. Everyday I have to do project, presentation and all the shitty stuff. I wanna go for movies and shoppings. I'm tired, really.

can you see the white shirt guy at the last row? okay, that's Andy. And I was beside him wearing a cap. but too bad, you can't see my face. ):

I'm glad, I've gained back a friendship recently. We've started to talk to each other again. It's a good start, I think sooner or later we will be back like before.

No good mood. Goodnight.

-
And it feels like tonight.
I can't believe I'm broken inside.
Can't you see that there's nothing that I wanna do,
But try to make it up to you?
And it feels like tonight,
Tonight.

I was waiting
For the day you'd come around.
I was chasing,
And nothing was all I found.
From the moment you came into my life,
You showed me what's right.

2008-01-11T23:58:00.000+08:00

I told Amanda I'm really scared.
I told her I won't think much but my mind is just running on the wrong track.
With big fake smiles and stupid lies, while deep inside I'm really scared.
This is not fair.
& Somehow I know 2008 ain't gonna be a better one for me.
I'm getting exhausted.
I've set my boundary so don't come across.
Damn you.

2008-01-10T01:11:00.000+08:00

I could fake a smile to hide the aching heart
But why must I make my life so hard

2008-01-06T02:48:00.000+08:00

today wasn't that good actually. but at least heart talk to bestf was really good. i'm like feeling way better cos i know at least there's always someone would really listen to me and showed me the care. thank you bestf. but well, i miss baby, i haven't see him for bloody 2 days.

2008-01-05T00:35:00.000+08:00

If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
):

i don't know why i could always know something that i shouldn't know. i can't pretend that i don't know cos i feel the ache.

2008-01-04T01:52:00.000+08:00

I want to hold your hand and walk beside you
But it seems I would always ruin a beautiful day
And then I get left behind
I'm afraid that you would walk away so I would always try again to get close to you
But everytime, the same thing just keep repeating
I know I've pissed you off so badly
And then I get far away behind you
Just like this day, I've failed you again
The more I said, the more you got angry
And turned up I gave you all the wrong ideas which I didn't mean it that way
So much of jealousy has totally turned me into a person that's really scary
You've got tired of me that doesn't make me feel good
I'm afraid I might not hear what you're thinking anymore
Always, I want to make you happy
I would give the whole world just to bring up a smile on your face
I've tried many ways but always didn't turn out to be good
I know I should be happy to make you happy
But what if I can't go through your mind anymore
I'm afraid you've got so tired till you want to leave me behind
I want to reach you
Cause if the world is still spinning and I'm still living
It won't be right if you aren't in it with me together
I wan to hold your hand
And I want to hold it tight
I don't want to be left behind
'Sorry' this word I've said too much till it means nothing to you
But I'm really sorry that I've let you down so badly

-
I took for granted, all the times I thought would last
Somehow I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
~~But I can't get near you now~~

Drop a heart, break a name

2008-01-03T22:36:00.000+08:00

DROP A HEART, BREAK A NAME

-

2008, I don't know how this year is going to be. Everything is just so unpredicatable. I've learnt not to give myself any high hopes and at the same time I know I have to learn to protect myself from all the hurts. 2007 wasn't an easy year for me. Too much of a heavy heart. I don't know if I will be stronger this year, I only could say I'm trying my best to be one. Simply, I'm like begging some people just don't come and destroy my happiness. Why would you come to steal my happiness while you've already found yours. You can't be this greedy. And to me, this year I'm really gonna keep myself low profile as in a way to reduce the hurt to the lowest level. And so please, stay away from what that's belongs to me. Don't try to take away of what is not yours.

2007, I've met quite a few new friends. Most came into my life for a short while then disappear. If you know yourself well that you don't need me in your life then don't come and tell me things like 'I can be your bestfriend' or 'I will always be there for you'. cause I think I have too much friends like only talk to me when you feel you need to do so. I think I don't need any empty promises. This year, I don't need people to give me much cares or attentions, I'd rather people ignore me, don't noice me. Becaue I'm just so afraid of misunderstandings and I'm afraid I might lose something that means a world to me.

& Please, don't pull out the sutures and let my heart heal right. To be very honest, I'm getting sick of the tears. And I've got no strength to fight anymore. I don't want to live in fears and worries everyday. Just let my 2008 be a peaceful one.

Anyways, I hope this year will be better.

Be good to me

2007-12-27T00:19:00.000+08:00

Everyday is getting worse
Do the same things and it hurts
I don't know if I should cry
All I know is that I'm trying
I wanna believe in you
But you make it so hard to do

What's the point of making plans
You break all the ones we had
I don't know where we went wrong
Cause we used to be so strong
I wanna believe in you
I wanna believe in you

Where do I go from here
You've gotten under my skin
And I don't know how
To get out of this place that I'm in

I don't ask for much
All I want is love
Someone to see, that's all I need
Somebody to be good to me
Gotta be good to me
Good to me, please

I used to think I had it all
Then one day we hit a wall
I had hoped you were the one
Where's my dream, where has it gone
I wanted to be with you
Forever just me and you

So why can't you be
Be good to me
-

& so I went to my favourite library. & so I've found my favourite CDs. & so I start to worry about tomorrow. & so I don't feel like moving. & so I think the future is so unpredictable. & so I have no confidence in myself. & so I don't know how to make myself feel good. & so I don't know if you could understand me. & so I don't know if I could trust myself. & so I don't know if you would care about me. & so, someone, please be good to me.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! :D

2007-12-25T16:38:00.000+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE :D

Everything was great, and all because of my baby. The best christmas I ever had, I swear. Went to town for christmas eve dinner with Baby. We've ate so much till I felt like bursting. Baby was sooper handsome and he said, that was all because of me. How sweet! ohhh my, awesome Baby! (: And Baby said, I was way sexy. Gagagagas. Baby's christmas card made me cry, tears of joy. I won't share with you people here. Cause it's only for me. Every word and every drawing, it's only for me. After dinner we wanted to catch a movie but there was no show available at that time. So we headed to somewhere else. But anyways, it was only me and Baby! (:

Baby was like a small kid when he was playing rubik's cube, sooper duper cute, but sooper stubborn also. Hahas. But finally, Baby knows how to solve the first layer. (: It was great that I could hug Baby to sleep, his arm and waist and I even could hold his hand while sleeping. I could hear Baby's breathing, so close to my ear. While there was this time, I was sleeping till I don't know why my head wasn't on the pillow. And I don't know why baby could notice it and put the pillow under my head. Sweet enough and I'd go 'oh my husband...' Haha.

Baby, thank you for the presents and I do love EVERYTHING that you give me too! You made this Christmas the most most special one for me. And like what you said, we're gonna spend every christmas together till we both old and ugly, till we die. Baby, I love you so much! Forever and ever baby! Y

To all my friends, sorry if I didn't message you cause I had to do something important so might neglect some but yah, Merry Christmas to all! (:

And just to say I'm sorry for the previous entries, especially if they made you think that there was something going on between me and baby. Because, there wasn't anything happened between Baby and me. And we've been really sweet together for these few months. We could say a lot times of I love you and I miss you everyday, just simply because we really miss each other like hell loads everyday. And we're really going strong. Like we can get married at anytime. So no worries everyone, and I really do thank those who cared for us. (: As for those entries, because something's really bad happened in my family, and I was affected by it. And that's why I'm moving to melville park.

Okay. Baby hasn't come online since I woke up this afternoon. And I have no idea what he's doing now. I miss Baby so terribly ):

Bye. ):

2007-12-20T19:27:00.000+08:00

I'D ARMOR YOU HEART IF YOU'D JUST LET ME IN

I'm only up when you're not down
Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground
It's like no matter what I do
Well, you drive me crazy half the time
The other half I'm only trying
To let you know what I feel is true

Cos I'm only me when I'm with you
And I know everything about you
I don't wanna live without you
-

Today wasn't a good day. But I don't want to talk about it. Sorry for all the emo entries. I will let myself to be happier.

Just 4 more days to Christmas. I don't know where will I be on that day. I don't know what I will be doing. I don't know what I will be wearing. Seems like everything's unsure. I'm hoping, I'm praying that Santa could put up a truly smile on my face, on that special day. This is the only wish that I want to get from him this year. I don't know why every year I care about Christmas so much. I don't know why it just means a lot to me. I don't why now I'm getting nervous just because Christmas is getting nearer and nearer each day. Maybe just a kind of fear, I don't want this Christmas to be another heartbreaking one. But I know this year is going to be a different one. I believe it will be a happy one.

Two days ago this friend told me Santa lives in Sydney, I don't know. But I hope what he said is true. And Vanessa is in Sydney now. So if that's true I hope Vanessa could meet Santa. (: Okay. I always live in my own imagination world, I know people might come and tell me that Santa does not even exist. But anyways, I just believe in all the beautiful things even they are not real.

I think there won't be any updates till end of Christmas period. I will appreciate if I could receive wishing messages from you people on Christmas. Ta.

-
You’re in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I’m with you
So close to feeling alive

A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
And now you’re beside me and look how far we’ve come
So far we are so close

How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We’re so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far

Sweet, is the love song, is the beautiful fairytale.

-
And maybe you could take me in
Somewhere underneath your skin

THIS IS OUR FATE

2007-12-17T01:38:00.000+08:00

THIS IS OUR ~~FATE~~

[mood : clam]

Now that it's all said and done
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down
Like an old abandoned house
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath
I felt as if I was in way to deep
Guess I let you get the best of me
Well, I never saw it coming
I should have started running
A long, long time ago
And I never thought I'd doubt you
I'm better off without you
More than you know
I'm slowly getting closure
I guess it's really over
I'm finally getting better
Now I'm picking up the pieces
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together
-

One plus one makes two. But sometimes things just don't go according to what we wished. Maybe it's going too fast. The one we're holding just ain't right, and we've realised it's not meant to last. Let it go when it has to come to an end. Breaking down isn't the way cause get up with life is what we should do. I've told my friends things like this 'If it doesn't feel right, holding someone else's hand'. Now I don't know if it's right to say so, but when time comes, what to do is just stay strong and move on. As in my view I don't see any points to remain as friends cause I think going seperate ways is the best way to heal the wound. Even live years of time together someday just might also going seperate ways. Life's that unpretictable. And now to me 'marriage' this word is too much a burden without faith. I believe there's always an end to every storm. Slowly be stronger and happily live the life.

Goodbye you.

-
You took a hammer to these walls
Dragged all the memories down the hall
Packed your bags and walked away
There was nothing I could say
And when you slammed the front door shut
A lot of others opened up
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me

Cause the day I thought I'd never get through
I got over you

The Heartbreak Kid

2007-12-11T01:07:00.000+08:00

THE HEARTBREAK KID
the R21 show

HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY! :D

Well, Ming Sheng looks just like 17 years old okay. Xiao Chao. Hahahas. And he looks very charming today. Don't you think so? Hahas!

What a Christmas tree. Hahas. Today was alright, just that I was feeling sleepy all the time. Studied with Sanjeev and Xian Li. Like Woah, finally we've understood what's the log is all about. Lols. Today was raining, raining and non-stop raining. Emo weather. But today was good, cause after my paper, there're some random people came to me and say things like this 'For this Christmas I have this wish is want you to be happy, so make sure you be happy alright.' Melinda girl was the first person who told me this today. (: Alot people hugged me today, I felt so warm. :D Thanks, truly! (: I felt so real with those sweet tight hugs. They're way much better than those empty promises. Anyways, as what I've said, I will try my best to give a truly smile from the bottom of my heart. (:

And for this someone, I don't know if you would ever read this. I'm sorry for causing whatever you're feeling right now, I know you sensed something. That's not misunderstanding, but I don't know how to explain. Just that. I'm sorry. I'm gonna disappear from you. And yah, sorry for any bad feelings caused by me. But everything's just gonna be back to before now. Need no more avoidings. No worries, you won't be seeing me anymore. Take care. (:

This Christmas, I've decided to give myself something's special. It's so gonna be very wonderful. Exams period now, so this is gonna be the last entry till I'm back, maybe after new year? Hahas. Anyways, continue love me you sexy people! (: Oh yah, Merry Christmas. Haas! :D

XOXO

2007-12-10T05:06:00.000+08:00

It's pretty early in the morning now. Starting of a brand new day. I suppose today will be a happy one for me, cause I've received this sweet email, and this sweet message this morning. (:

Melinda, Sanjeev, Nana, Vanessa and Darren are the people running through my mind now. For no reasons, just randomly I would think of them. I want to make a phone call to each of them right now. But too bad, it's just too early now. I wanna tell my lovergirl Melinda, Nana and Vanessa how much I love them, esp Vanessa, I miss you! I wanna wake Sanjeev up now, force him to tell me his banana funny jokes. And I will tell him, he's my very first true Indian friend. Hahahas. I still remember he said this to me 'You know your friend can beat up anyone just for you.' I believe him cause his friends are like king kong. hahahas. Oh yah. and I will teach him how to spell my name correctly cause he always spells it with an extra 'e'. Lols. And I wanna know where is Darren, cause he's totally MIA to me. I needa talk to him.

Just ignore the previous entries. Tears are just temporary. Cause I've lost my way, though something's hard. But I'm home now. I've found my way back the place where I should be. No doubt. There's always something that I can give myself, the self-assurance. Though I might be just on my own. I won't let anyone to control my mood anymore, cause I'm so gonna be the one to make myself feel pretty good. (: Maybe I'm dumb but I'm so gonna be a happy dumbass. Cause you know, I'm just the kind of girl that your mama wants your girlfriend to be. * peace (:

Wish me luck for my exams please. (:

&From Nana's blog, "we keep believing because we always hope that something good will come out in the end". I was thinking this way too, but when time to wake up you would realise that there's not always a happy ending. Anyways, you people should drop by Nana's blog and use your heart to listen to that song. (:

Loves.

2007-12-09T23:27:00.001+08:00

sorry.

goodbye.

i give up.

i know i have to remove what doesn't belong to me

)':